he wants to bone in the snuggie
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
