i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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