are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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