i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
