She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Randomize
