she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
