I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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