Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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