I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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