I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
