So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
