i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
