thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
