i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
