the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
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We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
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Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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