dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
