I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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