You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
