laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
