Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
