Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
