Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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