Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I could make wine with my vomit
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So much Jack, so little girl.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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