Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
