go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
