Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Im part way to drunk.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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