I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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