Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize