the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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