You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
