I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
