This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize