the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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