I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I FOUND THE LEGS
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
