so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
