For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
