Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize