well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
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Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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