can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
