Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
