how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
