I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
