I wish I could teleport
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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