Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Welp...herpes.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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