I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
