I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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