So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
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Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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