Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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