sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
