your thong is hanging out like whoa
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
