If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
