The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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