Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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