My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
