if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
