Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
