Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
