Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
