I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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