I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
