Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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