dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
